Week one is HARD. I won’t sugar-coat it. Hormones are raging. Emotions are out of control. You survive on winks of sleep. On top of all of that, your body Is trying to heal from the most trauma it has ever experienced. Let’s just call week one survival mode.
If I could go back and give myself advice for that first week with a new baby, I would share these 6 tips:
1. Accept help
Bringing meals over. Cleaning your house. Picking up diapers. Holding your baby while you sleep. It’s HARD to say yes to these offers because you want to have it all together on your own. Trust me when I say this… accept the help! People genuinely WANT to help you. Let them!
2. Stop cleaning your house
People are coming to visit, so you want your house to be presentable. Here’s the thing… they came to see your baby – not your house. When you spend time cleaning your house or doing other chores that don’t absolutely need done, you’re denying yourself of the rest you need. When they say “sleep when they sleep”, they’re not kidding. Give yourself a break. (And enjoy having this excuse for a while.) 🙂
3. Don’t worry about your body
The only thing that should concern you about your body is healing. I made the mistake of stepping on the scale the day after I got home from the hospital. Trust me on this one… don’t do it. It takes time – a lot of time – for your body to get back to “normal”. (“Normal” in quotation marks because your body will never really be the same.) There is enough to deal with when you have a newborn besides worrying about stretch marks and extra pounds. Your body my never be the same, but look what you got for it! So get some big comfy t-shirts, keep those maternity leggings handy, and give yourself some grace.
4. Be nice to your partner
This one might seem odd, but I’m sure my husband would have appreciated if someone would have reminded me of this. 🙂 That first week for me was filled with anxiety. And I was breastfeeding, so I felt like all of the pressure was on me. My body was also healing, so getting up and down wasn’t easy. For all of these reasons combined, I was constantly asking for things. Change his diaper. Wash my pump parts. Do the laundry. Bring me lunch. I like to think I said it much nicer than this, but I’m not sure that I always did. I was stressed and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. My husband and I both ended up irritated with each other, and that made everything even harder.
After a few really rough days, we finally had a frank conversation and landed on, “We need to be nicer to each other.” (Revolutionary, right?) At that point, things turned around and we were on the same team again. Support each other and lift each other up – especially in that first challenging week!
5. Remember to be thankful
I have a couple of friends who didn’t get to experience the joy of having a baby like they planned. I can’t imagine their heartache. When I was feeling really low, I tried to remember to be thankful. God gave me this amazing gift, and here I am feeling sorry for myself. Though it was easy to forget during the trying times, that’s when it mattered the most. Be thankful. You are blessed.
6. Know that it gets easier
They tell you not to wish the days away. I have to admit that first week, I would have done just about anything to hit fast forward. (I actually remember thinking that giving birth was a piece of cake compared to taking care of this baby!) I know every stage will have its challenges, but trust me… it gets easier. My little one is now 3 months old, and we have a lot of fun together. I sing silly songs, and he smiles at me. I get to sleep for 5 hours at the time. It’s awesome! My stress level has dramatically decreased, and we feel like one happy family. So breathe a sigh of relief, and just get through this day. You can do it!
If you’re not sure who is crying more tears that first week – you or your baby – there is hope! This, too, shall pass. By the time you are reading this, you probably only have a few days left. Hang in there, mama! And enjoy those tiny snuggles, for they won’t last long.
This advice for new moms isn’t for everyone, moms and babies alike, but wearing your newborn can be a great hack for you and baby. I wore my son from the time he was just a few days old, and the skin-to-skin contact helped solidify our bond and our nursing relationship. It was also a guaranteed way to get him to sleep! Once he was snuggled in, I would walk and bounce around for a bit and he’d be out. I could go to the store, sit and eat lunch (with two hands!), and my partner and I could go to dinner.
Great addition to the list, Marcus! Babies love feeling snug and secure. What a special bond!
When I visited my friends with newborns (before I had kids), I wish they had told me to get off my butt and do the dishes or let them take a shower! I had no idea that was the best use of my visit. Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for help—they want to help, but they don’t always know what you need.
So true, Alex! Now that I’m a mom, my newborn visits will certainly change. 🙂