This one is for the horrible formula moms. You know who you are. The moms who know the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendation to breastfeed through 6 months, and choose to ignore it. The ones who give up during the most important stage of their child’s development.
Well today I became one of those horrible moms.
The start of our breastfeeding journey
I knew I was going to breastfeed long before I was even pregnant. I heard stories about how breastfeeding didn’t work for everyone, but I was not going to be one of those moms. Regardless of what happened, I would work through it and give my baby what he deserves.
Our breastfeeding journey started off a little rocky, but after a couple of weeks, my little guy was gaining weight like a champ. Each time I went to the pediatrician and they commented on his great weight gain, I beamed with mom pride.
Then things got rough…
At about 5 weeks, he started crying… a lot. Literally kicking and screaming in pain nearly every waking moment. What in the world was wrong with my baby? He was getting the best food on earth. Why was he so unhappy?
We tried stuff. A lot of stuff. But it just wasn’t working. (Another post coming soon to share our experience.)
The formula trial
My sister’s baby was on formula (the super expensive hypoallergenic, high-maintenance kind), and she suggested trying it. I wasn’t interested… I was a breastfeeding mom. After all, “breast is best”.
A couple of weeks later, I finally became desperate enough (out of feeling bad for my baby, my babysitter and needing some sanity back), I broke down. I decided I would do a formula trial. I would prove to myself and everyone else that the breast milk wasn’t the problem. I would keep pumping to save my supply so that I could go back to breastfeeding in a week when my baby didn’t get any better.
But then he did.
Within 48 hours, he cried less. He slept more. He spit up less. His diaper rash cleared up.
But then again, he still cried some. And he didn’t smell as good as when he was on breast milk. And he pooped less… and it was stinky now. Gross! My proud inner breastfeeding mom thoughts persisted.
I had to make a decision. Do I keep using formula or go back to breastfeeding? I read blog posts and medical articles that encouraged me to go back. What kind of mom am I if I give up now? After pondering that question and feeling intense guilt, another more important question probed me. What kind of mom am I if I don’t take my baby’s pain away? I knew what I had to do.
Should you stop breastfeeding?
My intention is not to encourage moms to stop breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an amazing thing! My intention is to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to do what’s best for YOU and your baby… even if it’s not what culture or the internet or your friends say is best.
So cry a few tears. Let your baby nurse one more time. Then hang up that mom pride, and be confident that you made the right choice. Nobody knows like mama knows.
A message for the formula feeders
For all of you horrible formula-feeding moms… you are not alone. You’re killing it. Keep doing what’s best for YOUR situation and give yourself a little grace. You deserve it.
Breast may be best. But formula is best for me.